UGH UGH UGH. I don't like the way this is going... I am seriously starting to wonder why I decided to be brave or stupid and try to make a film about myself. This has really started me on a self-reflective path about who I am and why I am and where I am going, and this has NOT made me a happy camper. How to make a film about oneself that is not egotistical? That is not self-referential, aggrandizing, deluded piece of whimsy? It is hard to be an accurate judge of oneself, even as self-reflective as I normally am. I don't mean to complain, but I am just having a really hard time with this, and uncharacteristically crabby, emotional and difficult. I guess it doesn't help that I am also extremely busy and stressed at work, so I don't have any room to breathe. And I have been super pissed at my husband because he has been busy and totally unhelpful and not supporting me when I need it the most. This is definitely the most challenging project I've ever worked on, and I guess I knew deep down I had to be this upset and pissed off and depressed because otherwise it wouldn't be good. I mean, there is no real drama, but I've seen really great stories that are small and not super traumatic and dramatic. I like small stories, slice of life. This is not a slice of life... I don't know, maybe if I weren't trying to be artistic about all of this and I could just use the terrible footage of me interviewing myself and sorta talking into the camera it might work. But I really really really really hate watching myself because its soooo unflattering and I don't say anything that interesting, and why am I trying to make this about New York or my family? I don't think its about any of that really, but I guess I have to keep running into dead ends in order to see my way through this one. I guess I am used to knowing where I am going and not blindly running into alleys and walls and wrong ways. So annoying!!